- Preinteraction awareness is the stage where we observe someone or even talk with others about the person we are attracted to without having any direct interaction. We may use passive strategies, like observing the other person, to gain information or we might use active strategies like asking other people about the person we are attracted to.
- Acquaintance awareness is one of the first turning points in a relationship where are might ask the other person standard questions during the first four minutes of conversation, sticking to safe and superficial topics and presenting a public self to the other person.
- Exploration awareness is where we begin to share more in-depth information about each other. There will be little physical contact and limited amounts of time spent together. This stage can happen along with the initiation stage. Communication becomes easier in this stage and a large amount of low-risk disclosure occurs.
- Intensification awareness is the stage where we start to depend on each other for self confirmation and engage in more risky self-disclosure. We spend more time together, increase the variety of activities we share, adopt a more personal physical distance, engage in more physical contact, and personalize language. We may start to label stages of the relationship, such as dating, or becoming one's BFF.
- Intimacy awareness is the final stage of relational maturity. Communication becomes highly personalized and synchronized, we become "open books" to the other. This is where you start hearing bells in your ear for women, and men begin to feel an iron ankle chain and ball being attached to their bodies.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Five Stages of Relational Escalation
There are five stages through which relationship mature. Can you identify a relationship in your life and pinpoint, based on these five stages where that relationship may be?
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21 comments:
I agree and disagree with these steps. I think it really depends on the 2 people. I mean, some people get drunk and move a bit faster and eventually may need to back track through these steps but can still maintain a relationship leading up to step 5. Then you have the more traditional relationships that most generally would take these steps. I truly think it totally depends on personality types of two people and sometimes relationships are more situational than others. There are many factors that come into play so I guess I guess I don't agree with the model.
I feel that computer-mediated relationships can only form to a certain extent without the presence of a physical being. You don't have that "connection" between two people that you would have in person. Whether it's friends, dating, etc I feel like it could only get to a certain point over the net.
Gary Chame Cox II
Some of these points I agree with, and some I don't. I think that these points are reached in different steps depending on the people involved. Some never reach optimum levels at all and never trust enough to open up so deeply. On the flip side some people are open and up front from the start and jump right in with two feet blind folded. I agree that it depends on the two people involved and their individual personality type as well as past experiences.
As far as a relationship formed through computer-mediated communication I think that people get a lot closer a lot more quickly because either they are living under false pretenses and can pretend they are someone they are not or they don't have to face the other person so it gives them a form of confidence to open up more. I also think that they can never open up so the deepest level possible due to lack of physical presence because unspoken language and actions speak much louder than words in most situations. You can't truly learn who someone really is just by listening or reading what they tell you.- jeralyn duncan
Well, I agree and disagree with these "relationship" steps. I agree with the preinteraction awareness where people try to find information about a "new" person by asking friends or observing from a distance. I also agree with the aquaintance awareness becuase usually when I first meet someone I dont ask personal questions especially not political or relegious. With the exploration awareness I think it would differ among people. Some people move faster than others and some people are more shy and timid. The intensification awareness it when you start "dating" and in my opinion that should have been step 3. I think I am in the intimacy awareness at this point in my life with my girlfriend. I like how the text said, "men begin to feel an ankle chain and ball attached to their bodies"! Hilarious. So all in all I pretty mcuh agree with these steps but I think iy still depends on the person.
I think these steps do not apply as much to internet or computer-mediated communication. I think most people decieve who they really are and move a lot faster with that person because of that. I think to form a close, personal bond with someone it needs to be just that, close and personal.
~Nathan Ghaznawi
I think that yes and no that you follow the steps in a relationships it just depends on the people and the situation a relationship could start with stage 5 then start and go backwards wheather it would work out would be the question?
Now about a computer relationship I dont think that it would work in these stages because people sometimes ack like they are someone in which they really arent and sometimes you cant see the person unless they have pictures posted
Shannon kwiatkowski
I agree with Jerayln,and I do agree with some of the steps in a relationship and disagree with others. But the point of the matter is who are the people involved in the relationship. What is the type of relationship? Are they just two friends or more intimat?If the relationship is intimate then disclosure may be reached sooner. In regards to opening up and getting to know that person. On the other hand in my personal relationships I dont disclose any personal information right away and I trust no one... Until a connection is made and after many years of knowing that person is then when trust is established. Lakeisha M.Dodson
I would have to agree with the overall consensuses that although these five stages can be a path that two people develop a relationship through. This is not the only possible way though. As Gary commented drinking is a common accelerator for a relationship. In some circumstances a relationship formed in this manner could possibly work, but in most cases, they will not be successful. In my personal experiences, I have been involved in both types of relationships. The relationships formed with the assistance of alcohol did not work out because the process is done backwards. In these types of relationships, you mostly never make it to the whole ball and chains stage and achieve the intimacy level too early. The healthiest relationship that I have been in is the one with my husband. We went through all the stages like clockwork. The whole process up to our wedding took a total of about six years.
I do not think that in majority of computer-mediated relationships do not provide enough information about the people in the communication. Although you could be one of the people that is successful in forming a relationship without having the nonverbal communication to help you learn more about the potential partner, I believe that the five steps are critical to a functional relationship, but they cannot be fully achieved over a computer, at least not fully.
-michelle arboe
Like all the others i agree and disagree with these steps and the idea that they are carried out most the time in an orderly fashin. This is far from the truth. i truly believe everyone steps are different depending on A. the people involved, B.the age of the two persons, and C.the personality types of the two. All three combined make it difficult to tell how clearly all these steps will be carried out. Each and every person has learned a different way to develop relationships so for the most part these are the foundations to two people becoming more than just acquaintences. I am more of a thinker so yes i do think about and validate that all steps have been touched on but along wqith the rest of the world you can't control how fast or slow your relationships move along and what steps you might miss and come across later on. I believe we need to understand that these steps are key in building constructive relationships but to follow them might also get in the way of simply letting the relationship go where it will.
When it comes to computer-mediated relationships i really find it hard to believe that technology is a better mediator then a one on one meet. I don't know if I will ever understand how people recieve a true relationship from the internet because so many of those key component in the five steps are simply non-existent. For a relationship to grow I feel you need natural signs of who a person really is and anyone could change anything about them to attract a certain type. I'd like to think we should meet and relate to others the way we always have; in person. It just skips out on all the guessing about whether someone is really who they say they are.
I too agree and disagree with these 5 steps of relational escalation. Sometimes relationships develop in their own time, but generally there are steps a person takes when getting to know someone.
I believe my best friend and I are in stage 5-intimacy awareness. We've been best friends for about 4 years now. We have lived together for about 2 of those years. I tell her my deepest secrets and feelings and she feels comfortable doing the same. I don't trust people too easily so it's nice having someone around that I've bonded with.
As far as computer-mediated communication goes, I don't think that these 5 steps apply. Meeting someone online is a lot different than in person. In fact, I don't really believe you can truly get to know someone via computer or internet. Even if a person is honest with you and discloses themselves to you, it is different when you're face to face.
Lucinda Williams
when i read through these stages i felt like they were, for the most part, accurate. but when really looking into individual relationships, you start to see this fall trough. i feel that, at least in my experience, some of these steps will mesh together. not all the way, but in certain areas. for example i may feel very comfortable with the other person and be able to disclose more personal information, but i may not be at a point where i feel comfortable being physical in any way with them until a little down to road.
as for the computer-mediated relationship i believe they fallow the same path in some ways. the first stage is pretty much cut out. i guess you could observe the way someone talks to people in a chatroom, but its not the same as seeing how they look move and sound. and obviously the physical level of the relationship is cut out. but i do believe it is easier for people to open up to the other. they feel safe because they dont have to be face to face. they can hid behind their profile picture
-laura prout
I would somewhat agree that these are how relationships form. Not every single person you form a relationship with is going to go through all five steps though. I think it depends on how well of a relationship you want to form with a particular person. As far as computer mediated communication goes I do not agree that it follows the same path. I do not agree with this because in the first stage it says we observe the other person. I do not see how someone can observe another person over the internet without talking to them. With a computer a person would have to jump right into the aquaintance stage and go on from there. I still don't feel like it follow the same path because you do not have physical contact with that person and you cannot see their reactions to things you say.
I agree with all the steps,but the coumputer-mediated relationship don't fullfill all the steps you can't get the physical contact with the computer.
Anonymous said... I would somewhat agree that these are how relationships form. Not every single person you form a relationship with is going to go through all five steps though. I think it depends on how well of a relationship you want to form with a particular person. As far as computer mediated communication goes I do not agree that it follows the same path. I do not agree with this because in the first stage it says we observe the other person. I do not see how someone can observe another person over the internet without talking to them. With a computer a person would have to jump right into the aquaintance stage and go on from there. I still don't feel like it follow the same path because you do not have physical contact with that person and you cannot see their reactions to things you say.
Kylie Smith
forgot to post my name
I agree
THe drinking thing is definitely true as far as an accelerator, but its more of kindling than anything. And I would have to agree with the majority as far as the computer relationships go. I always remember the sign in Jimmy Johns that reads; "A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter is not a nice person." How could we know this without meeting someone?When you interact with someone you are also watching that person interact with their surroundings and that can tell you a lot. M. Kriebel
THis really doesn't have anything to do with this post:
The one thing I keep reading is the none of these models fit every situation. I thinks that because these are trying to resolve the interactions of REAL PEOPLE and there's a myriad of variables that make people and motivate people. I cut my finger to the bone and don't shed a tear but I cry watching a Hallmark commercial about a Dad? The Bachelor makes me physically ill and I love March Madness? They're both "reality" (I put that in parentheses because how "real" is it that a 19 year old kid not a year out of high school is playing in front of 100,000 people and another 20 million watching at home with millions of dollars on the line? How is that a plausible reality for anyone? But I digress.).
I think the whole idea that people can fall into a little box is far-fetched for a lot of people. And the simplest models are the ones that seem to work best. M. Kriebel
you have a good point M.Krieble
Each and every person has learned a different way to develop relationships so for the most part these are the foundations to two people becoming more than just acquaintences. and they will continue to past theses develpments on to the gererations. jj
jon jacob
All 5 steps are steps to a relationship maturing I think thatthere should be at least one more step and that step is when I start observing thier actions to see if it coincide with the information I have recieved. I believe that a person can tell you anything, but show me
Deven Brown
I think all the step are right but you still need the physical contact,it makes you feel more love and secure.
Marcus Robinson
I really agree with Devon people can tell you anything i'd much rather you show it.
Marcus Robinson
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