- Check your perceptions by asking for clarification of what you don't understand.
- Listen between the lines by looking for puzzled or quizzical facial expressions of your partner.
- Establish a supportive rather than defensive climate for conversation by avoiding calculating, controlling, using manipulative strategies, being aloof, acting superior or rigidly asserting that you're always right.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Minimize Pseudo-Conflict with these Three Strategies
Pseudo-conflict is when two people have a perceived misunderstanding about the compatibility of their goals but, in fact, their goals are quite compatible. So how do you minimize this?
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22 comments:
Yes, I have experienced pseudo- conflict. The out come was less than favorable until I actually paid attention and listened rather than heard what my partner was telling me. These strategies can help by directly stating what you don't understand so your partner can be more explanatory and understanding. They also help you get on common ground rather than enemy territory.-Jeralyn Duncan
I have experienced a pseudo-conflict many times, especially with my parents. I think that they are telling me I cannot do something or they do not agree with me, when really were both agreeing on the same thing. I think these stragies really help in understanding and clarifying what the person is really trying to say. It really doesnt help the situation to become defensive because then the other person becomes the same way. I also agree with looking for puzzled faces because that helps you determine that maybe both of you are trying to say the same thing but in different ways. The best strategy to me is to check your preceptions by asking clarification of what you dont understand. How will you ever really get what their trying to say if you dont speak up and ask??
~Nathan Ghaznawi
I just had a situation when this happened to me my husband wanted me to meet him at a gas station which there are two right across the street from another I went to one and he went to the other and he got mad because I went to the wrong one but he never said which one to go to he just tole me the street to go
Shannon kwiatkowski
Michelle Arboe
I can recall an instance that happened last semester in my Q200 class that this happened. Everyone who has been forced to work in a group has experienced that one person who does not want to help but still get the grade. After our group experiencing frustation due to her laziness in two presentations, things became heated after she received a phone call in the middle of class and told us to be quiet so that she could hear. This was our last straw. So I told her to go to the hallway if she wanted quiet because we were working on our assignment. Later I came to find out that phone call was serious and she especially needed to pay special attention to it. Her and I got into a verbal squable which lead to another member of our group threatening to do the project on her own. This would force us to all do individual projects and none of us really wanted to do that. I took the initiative to work things out with her for the sake of the grade. Come to find out she felt that all her ideas were getting shot down and being ignored. Soi to sum up a long story we all started getting along for the sake of the class and all passed.
when you have guide lines it helps with conflict, its like a third party you can go to and say see this is what i go to as a guide help us with conflicts
I don't think i would believe someone who said they've never been in a conflict like this, including myself. Someone mentioned earlier thier parents and I definitely can relate to that. With the generational gap and the interests being so disparate its easy for the flare up to arise. In those situations its always best to "know your audience". Reading the nonverbal cues are the road signs to reach an amicable conclusion. Because most of these are based on the false assumptions of either the speaker or listener. i'd like to think as i get older all of this gets easier but it hasn't, especially with emails and texts becoming commonplace. its really hard to get tone across in those circumstances. M. Kriebel
I have a slight disagreement with the three steps because in certain situations the negative feelings may be too deep to disguise the person's true feelings. This is an instance that the nonverbal cues can override the verbal cues.
michelle arboe
HEy Michelle, I don't really understand your last post. Could you elaborate? What negative feelings do you mean? I think you are talking about the emotions a persons has initially, meaning what they bring to they table. If that were the case then wouldn't you be speaking more of a confict instead of a pseudo-conflict? Because if the emaotions are larger it may be the goals would be incompatible so we wouldn't just be talking about a small misunderstanding of syntax, which is what I understand pseudo-conflicts to be. Almost as if the obstacle isn't an obstacle. What I THINK you are describing is something wholly different. Help me out here. M. Kriebel
Yes, It happen to me all the time on my job, because when I am talking to someone and I misunderstand the message or the other person assume that he/she know what I am going to say next and sometimes make me mad, but we talk and try to fix the problem instead of getting angry or fight. The strategies can help on not losing your head, talk about it and be open mind.
Miguel Lopez
I have pseudo-conflict with anyone that's similar to me, especially my parents. I think that since they are older than me they assume they ALWAYS know what the best option for me is. I'm stubborn too, so it usually turns into conflict. What they usually don't know is that everything that they are thinking, I have already thought of and weighed it out. I want what is best for me and so do they, we may have different ways of achieving certain things. In the end we all want the same positive outcome. I could probably more agreeable with them when conflict arises, or more willing to listen to the info they have to offer.
Gary Chame Cox II
There are some many different conflicts and so many different ways to deal wit them. Every conflict has a way to be solved. It just depends on the time and place and who the conflict is with. Make sure you take your time on working out the problem. These steps are helpful when dealing with conflict. Lakeisha Dodson
I have pseudo-conflict all the time. My girlfriend and I have sometimes have the same goals but expect differnt outcomes at different times. This can very frustrating at times.
jonjacob
I bet pseudo conflict has caused many misunderstanding. has happen to me plenty of times. I had a conflict one time about directions until I realized that ethier way wil get you to your distanation
Deven Brown
I experience pseudo-conflict on a daily basis with my best friend. We get along great but we're both rather 'blonde' at times and don't always communicate clearly. We have talked smack to each other about what the other one was thinking, when in fact we were on the same level just different planes.
Pseudo-conflict can be avoided by learning how to communicate more clearly and efficiently. Everyone could use some better communication skills.
Lucinda
yes I may ask my wife do you have thee money for a bill she says yes and expecting her to pay it at that moment, but she waits for the bill to come in the mail before she pays it by then it's late but she pays it non the less.
Marcus Robinson
I also had a problem at work when i ask someone to get parts out of a oven when the timer went off while I went and did another job that need to be done.Not thinking about the fact that there were 2 ovens one in the area we worked in and another on the other side of the building. The guy check the wrong oven and I was upset because the parts had to be sand blasted and repainted.
Marcus Robinsion
Pseudo conflict guideline # 1. Check your perceptions. I think this is key in the process because we must make sure at all times our perception of ourself in the situation as well as the other is right and is a justified standpoint. So many times we tell ourselves so much that we are in the right so we get accustomed and don't know how to be wrong or refuse to compromise.
Pseudo conflict happens all the time at my work. Parents sign in at the gym and drop off their kids& go work out. They r supposed to also write down where they will be but sometimes they change locations without telling us. When we have to go het them if the child is in need we can't find them so we have to look. This causes us to both be uneasy about why they needed to come and its hard to not be upset we couldn't find them
Guideline #2 tells us we must look between the lines of conflict and also look for key facial expressions that will help you in conlict. This also applies to paying close attention to the others expressions for signs of how they feel. Also expression can tell us where the conflict is in the conflict process.
Guideline #2 tells us we must look between the lines of conflict and also look for key facial expressions that will help you in conlict. This also applies to paying close attention to the others expressions for signs of how they feel. Also expression can tell us where the conflict is in the conflict process.
The 3rd and final guideline shows us the most important things to avoid when conflict arises. We must make sure to not get defensive so as to stay clear headed and avoid making the other person resort to anger as well. We also have to keep in mind to avoid being defensive because it creates a large barrier when your listener wants to give up or is hurt.
The main points of not only the third guideline but all the guidelines is that we must always be supportive not only in conflict but normal conversation as well. If the other speaker doesn't feel their voice is being supported or appreciated they won' t make you a support system again. It is very very key that we don't manipulate or make others feel guilty and never use guilt as a cruch to persuade others lots of parental tend to do this..
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